I broke my fingers? Not quite.. I, um... got too busy.
I recently learned in one of my classes that the clock was created by Monks to remind them when to pray. Interestingly enough, the clock has done the exact opposite: remind us of our to-do list and how little time we have to complete it. They took time to check in with God and center their minds before moving on to the next thing. We were encouraged to participate in a practice named, statio, which essentially means "the practice of stopping one thing before we move on to another." It's less about "meditation", or "connecting with your inner self, third eye," or whatever they taught my when I was in yoga school. It's about taking time to stop being a busy multi tasker with no time to connect to real life. This practice includes stilling our minds, which sounded a whole lot like torture to someone who can't stop thinking for half of a second.
My mind doesn't stop running. It's worse than the energizer bunny. My mind would do circles around the energizer bunny then.. get into a philosophical debate with him or something. The thought of "stilling my mind," is foreign to me. I literally had to linger after class to ask the professor to clarify what my mind was supposed to be doing during this time that it wasn't thinking: "Does my mind actually have to be quiet? If I am supposed to think, what am I supposed to think about? How do you still your mind when it works overtime?" SO MANY QUESTIONS! He essentially told me that my mind should be quiet (to practice statio), and if anything came into my mind, I could focus on one specific word (which he said could be "peace," and I thought that was funny since thats my ONE WORD for the year!)
I started right away as I drove home without the radio on. I was going to still my mind: a risky endeavor. I tried really hard to think about "nothing."Once I arrived home, I felt like I had ridden a magical carpet to my doorstep. The time seemed to fade away and I was super focused. I kept taking time to stop between activities, to say goodbye to the old thing and welcome the new. From this silent reflection, I found out three semi-sad things about myself:
1. My mind is never quiet.
2. I try to do too many things at once.
3. (Worst of all) I am too busy.
I am stressed with a million things on my plate and I am not taking any time for the real stuff, the good stuff. I'm busy with what? Organizing? Trying to impress my professors? I don't even know. I do know I haven't been writing my blog. I haven't been journaling. I haven't been investing in people like I want to. I haven't been reading my Bible, but instead reading a few chapters out of every book I own. This past week, I even researched how the USPS Mailing system works just because I wanted to know. If I keep going on like this, I'll have read 1-2 chapters out of hundreds of books and learned almost nothing (turns out you need to read the whole book to get all of the points-- who knew!) I've been busy with stuff that doesn't matter. I'm not talking about getting things done because we have to, or work tasks, those have priority. I'm talking about trading effectiveness for efficiency.
Now, I've been doing one thing at a time, taking time to clear my mind between each task, remembering God in between. Not only am I consistently more productive, but I am much more focused on The Lord. It's not that I haven't been inspired, or that I haven't wanted to write. I got too busy. Let's try to use our time wisely. Taking a break between each event in our lives gives us a mental priority re-check.
I officially commence my blog writing and will now prepare space for the next thing. Effectiveness!
"Be still and know that I am God. I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." - Psalm 46:10
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