11. we can choose courage

I have baked the same gluten free cake recipe twice now. Both times turned out to be a disastrous occasion. The same process has happened with all gluten free baked goods I have tried. It goes a little something like this:

1. Either buy boxed mix or try new recipe

2. Look at baked good when timer goes off

3. Baked good is done, but tastes/looks DISGUSTING.

  4. Get discouraged, determine I'm the worst baker in history of baking.

I will refer to this process as the "g-free baking plague," or just "the plague" for short. It might not be the worst plague in history, but you'll know what I mean when I use the term. Thanks for understanding. This has literally brought me to tears on more than one occasion, because I allowed the dismay overcome my hope. The plague is really just one of discouragement. 

The real problem here is that it took me most of my life to realize the effect discouragement has on me. Baking was the straw that broke the camels back, but God was kind to me a few weeks back to zoom out of my own life perspective and show me exactly what this discouragement looks like in someone else:

I was in a ski class for beginners. There were four of us in a group, Alex from Russia, Frank who knew how to ski but was self proclaimed "rusty," Julian, the self-defeater and myself. I had very low expectations for the day. I am a bit of a perfectionist (understatement of the year) and think that I have to be gold medal ready on day one. However, I decided victoriously, "TODAY WILL BE DIFFERENT!" If I fell 100 times, whatever. If I didn't even learn to put my feet in the skis, OH WELL! I just wanted to get out there and not try to be perfect. But what ended up happening is that I did pretty well, and so did everyone else in the class. Except Julian. Julian was somewhere between 30-40 years old, soft spoken, didn't look you in the eye and just wasn't getting how to ski. All three of us were getting it so the instructor told us to make "follow the leader" patterns while he got Julian caught up. After a few of these patterns, and seeing Julian fall almost every time he tried to move forward, we saw him taking off his skis and walking down the hill towards the rental lodge. I asked Frank, a friend of Julian what was up. He replied, "Poor Julian, he doesn't have great self esteem. I told him that anyone could learn how to ski. I guess he just got discouraged, but I'll talk him into coming again." Poor Julian.

I wanted to run after Julian and tell him to be brave, don't be afraid to fall, you can do it! Before I knew it, he was back at the lodge and did not return to the lesson. I was genuinely saddened for Julian. And then I realized..

When I get attached to expectations that I cannot meet, and fail... I am just like Julian. I wanted to quit baking forever, because I couldn't escape the plague of discouragement. But after seeing what happened with Julian, I knew I can choose differently. I chose to sign up for a gluten free baking class and give it another try. I don't have to be a professional baker. Or skiier. Or swimmer, or any of the things I push myself to be. Nobody has set those expectations for my life except me and the trouble is when we lose our courage. 

For it was Jobs friend Eliphaz who said, "But now trouble comes to you, and you are discouraged; it strikes you, and you are dismayed." (Job 4:5)

Discouragement is like a disease. It spreads and cripples. It disables us from picking up our skis and trying again. I fell twice on that snow, and they weren't exactly what you'd call "graceful falls." But I got up and tried again, and again, and again. And by the end of the day, I was skiing down the slopes (bunny slopes that is).  

Courage: the ability to do something that frightens one. 

Evidence! 

At any given moment, you can choose to be defeated and discouraged or empowered and courageous. But know that it is a choice. Don't even try to say, "Well courage just isn't one of my gifts." It is a commandment and you can choose it:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you or forsake you." (Deuteronomy 31:6)

Choose well. 

Emmy.