5. we kick down the walls; He does the rest.

My husband is in the Military, and anyone who knows anything about our military is that they are gone.. a lot. My husband has been gone for seven weeks, and it is coming to an end very soon. It may surprise you when I tell you that this time has been some of the most cherished time of my life. Not because of his absence, of course, but because of the presence of those who came around me to hoist me up amidst the lingering void. 

One day, before my husband had left on his seven week Arizona adventure, we were telling some church friends on "the patio," where all of our church people hang out after each service is over, about his upcoming training. At our church, I will have you know, they serve us DONUTS. And bagels, and coffee.. but donuts. Like good ones, from some delicious bakery with bakers who were trained in all things heavenly and divine, which I would like to think includes donuts. So, here we are, Husband and I, lingering sweetly on the patio, discussing his future mini-deployment with some friends of ours, a couple and their 12 year old daughter. I was expressing my dismay in some shape or form when they said these words, "Well, move in with us!" 

I feel like that's what every friend says when they know you're going to be alone, especially if you have expressed this dismay in their presence. "Oh yeah, move in with us, we have plenty of room and we would love to have you." To be honest, most of the time I simply do not believe people when they say that. I kind of blew it off until the next patio hang out session came around. They approached me again and said, "We heard that the bed in our guest room is uncomfortable so we gave it away and are ordering you a new one, you know for your room." I started to believe them, a little. The following encounter went like this, "Your bed is being delivered this week, we'll let you know when it arrives if you want to come visit it." I loved how they kept saying "YOUR" bed, because this developed a sense of ownership in me. I really wanted to meet this bed of mine, it sounded delightful.

I finally decided I should start believing them, but still felt anxious. Aren't we anxious people sometimes? It really bogs us down. I was fortunate to spend the first few weeks of my husbands little military get away at his parent's house. They are genuine people who are full of love, the type of people that they don't even have to say "I love you" for you to feel loved, it's just an effect of the way they treat you, but they say it anyways and that really seals the deal. My time up there was short lived and the anxiety began to build. I have a little princess dog named Madison. She's half boxer, half angel. But for some reason, when I think of situations where I am bringing her to someone else's house, in my mind she turns into this little flesh eating demon dog that everyone will hate and think of as a burden. I was scared, thinking "What if it ruins our friendship?... What if the dogs don't get along? What if ... What if..." By the time all of those thoughts were running through my head, I was 100% anxious and talking myself out of getting to know a new family and sleeping in my new bed. I was devising a plan of who could take Princess Madison so that way I would avoid cut ties and the burned bridges and the disaster she was going to make and.... 

But then, I remembered how big my God is. I remembered that by not going, I was deciding I was going to go ahead and take control so God didn't let the inevitable happen, you know, our friendship ending and the dogs eating each other and my bed breaking into a million pieces. However, I somehow made the following decision, "I will go to my friends house. They love me, and my dog is a good dog. I am going to trust God and see what He brings."

Here is a summary of how my month went with my extended family, as I now see them:
1. Their dog and my dog are best friends. Every morning, when they see each other, they do this little nudge motion to each other, which I like to think of a dog hug. They are in love. 
2. I became part of the family, and they became part of mine. We have family dinner, family breakfast (which I'm rarely a part of because this happens earlier than any human should be awake, especially any human named Emmy), and family movie night, which I get really upset if I have to miss because movies are my favorite. 
3. I learned valuable life lessons about leadership, love, father/daughter relationships and technology. Yes, technology, but that's probably a separate blog post. 
4. I learned, from Susan, the mother, a valuable Woody Allen quote. "80% of life is showing up." She encouraged me to show up frequently. Every single time I was uncomfortable at first; it pained me. Refer to post 4 for when I "showed up" to the dysfunctional family small group. I would have rather licked dirt off of pine cones than showed up to that meeting, but I went.. and it was remarkable. 

I showed up when someone offered me their home, their life, their family. I showed up and slept in my new bed, which I will have you know is the most comfortable bed on the face of the planet. I showed up to let my dog make a new friend, and prove to me that she doesn't morph into a demon dog around other people. See for yourself what Madison is up to as I write this post:

Napping, basking in the sunlight of her favorite patio,
you know...  typical demon dog things.

Today is my last day with my extended family. At the end of any big change, I like to look back and ask myself these reflection questions, "Was God here? Did He work on this with me?" I leave here changed. My heart is literally no longer the same. I have confidence where I felt shame and fear. I feel full in places where I felt empty. I gained a family, I gained a perspective. I gained the story of a Big God.

But first, I had to knock down the walls I had around my life caused by useless anxiety. They were blocking my view of the endless possibilities God had in front of me. My walls made my vision fuzzy, demised, saddened. Knocking them down gave me great vision, hope, the spectrum of a divine God who wants to make my life something worth writing about.

Here is the story from behind the man made walls:

I limited myself and God, so I stayed at home when my husband was away. I spent the nights alone on my couch, and the days wishing I had more to do so I forgot about how lonely the night would be. Poor Madison would be cooped up in our house all day, festering in my dimise. Instead, she gets to run free with her best friend, accepted into a family that loves her. I am not alone, and not sad. I still feel sad when night comes, but only because that means the time with my family for that day has come to an end. I can't wait for the new one to begin. 

Which story would you want? Which story are you choosing for yourself right now?

We kick down the walls; He does the rest. 

4. we never stop learning

A great use of your time. National Youth Workers Convention.

This past weekend, I had the honor of attending the National Youth Workers Convention (NYWC). The amount of information I gained was and still is overwhelming. I took at least 25 pages of notes which is more information than I am able to process... hmm probably in this lifetime. I am looking through my notes, trying to recap the highlights because I wanted to share with you four simple truths. They can change your life right now if you believe them. You wanna learn with me? Okay, here we go.

1. Bob Goff said this on day two of the convention, 
"Quit doing stuff you're able to do, and do stuff you were MADE to do."
My takeaway: Do we really want to be ordinary in this life? Do we want to live, with our "occupation" that we're trained for, but that we don't really love? Do we want to leave life saying "Yeah, I had a good life, but did I make a difference?" I hope your answer is no. I hope that you can let God use you in the dream that He gave you. He doesn't want us to be bored, as Bob said well, we shouldn't just dive into life, we should cannonball. Which one makes the bigger splash?

2. Tic Long gave a session named "Leadership Essentials" that both encouraged me and changed the way I viewed leadership. Something interesting that he said is this as one essential task of leadership: "Deflect praise, accept blame." 
My takeaway: Deflecting the praise acknowledges the people around you that helped you accomplish your task. Chances are you probably didn't accomplish it all yourself, so make sure you honor them by deflecting praise. Accepting blame lets people know that as the leader, you are ready to accept blame for the project that was in your care. If you accept blame for something that one of your teammates did but wasn't necessarily your fault, they will want to follow you forever because they'll know you are willing to own your leadership team, even in the mistakes. They will be loyal to you forever. Fair? No. Speaking life into others? Yes. 
Deflect Praise, Accept blame. 

3. Woody Allen once said, "80% of life is showing up." My friend Susan reminds me as need be (which is often). There was a great concept at the NYWC called "Family room." It was basically a gigantic room with lots of people broken up into groups of 8-10 for a small group. Well, the first day I was in a deep place of contemplation from the previous session and didn't exactly feel like discussing anything at all. Our leader was kind of pushy and insistent in me answering the questions. I got all flustered and started to tear up. I said I didn't know the answer to the question he was asking and he said to me, "Well then why are you here?" It was an interesting question. I didn't know the answer. Why was I there? I decided I wasn't going to go back to family room again. But Susan, being a good friend and mentor said to me, "You're going." So, I drug myself back the next day completely against my will, and started to call it our "dysfunctional family room." The next time I went, the evil leader, as I began to call him, wasn't there. We had someone else leading our group. This leader was a total gem and a great leader. Family room was completely different from the day before and ended up as life changing. I was forced to go against my will, but like Woody Allen said.. we just gotta show up. We have to show up to claim the benefits from the opportunities.  

4. Irish bands are awesome. Rend Collective Experiement. They use instruments I don't even know how to describe. 

Is there something you're longing to do? Find it.
Something you're CALLED to do? Go do it. 
Are you a leader who loves praise? Start deflecting it. 
Do you have trouble accepting blame? Start accepting it. 
Are you afraid to show up? Just go. 
Rend Collective Experiment? Buy it.

Chasing my calling, 

Emmy.

3. he brings the rain

I have lived in Southern California since June. Not once have I seen it rain, not even a little drizzle. I realized that here in California, people don't appreciate the rain as much as other people in different parts of the world. Most of the plants here, at least in the southern part, don't need a whole lot of watering so the southern phrase, "we really needed this rain, look at the poor trees" isn't spoken in the slightest. California people forget how to drive in the rain because of their lack of experience in "these conditions" and they don't want to go outside. It's kind of like a natural disaster here, like a tornado in Kansas or Hurricane in North Carolina, which is understandable because it happens so sporadically.

Front yard plants, not needing rain.

The rain.

I stayed in bed for an hour this morning listening to it, mostly because I know my dog Madison refuses to step foot outdoors if it MIGHT rain, let alone a full on pouring out of the sky. I woke up around 8:00. I felt like it was Christmas morning, and God had delivered me a gift. I miss the rain. 

There's something about it that makes laying in bed for "a little while longer" acceptable. 
It's comforting. It's replenishing. It brings life.

Is this how we view the gloomy rain in our hearts? The little pitter patter of trouble that seems to hover over our lives... Although the storms of this life are eventually replenished, we don't tend to lie in bed and enjoy them. As Sarah Young, writer of "Jesus Calling" often writes, make friends with your troubles. Do we do this?

³ "Let us acknowledge the Lord;
    let us press on to acknowledge him.
As surely as the sun rises,
    he will appear;
he will come to us like the winter rains,
    like the spring rains that water the earth."
- Hosea 6:3

Foliage outside my door step

The rain isn't always fun. It slows down our day, it flattens our hair, and it makes your dog smell terrible. But remember, the rains of this life, hypothetical and non, bring healing and replenishment. 

I laid in bed able to enjoy this rain because I know what comes after. I have lived through enough of those pouring, drenched, monsoon-like times in life to know that right after, is the delightful smell of the asphalt. The skies open up and you look upon them as through you had forgotten what they looked lke. It brings wonder, amazement, clarity. Your troubles fall away, and a little flower blossoms. You look upon the flower and remember that the rain had to have come for such beauty to exist. 

The rain. 

1. there is beauty in our struggles

I remember hearing a sermon from Mark Hoover, Head Pastor of New Spring Church in Wichita, KS that greatly impacted the way I view challenging times in life and led me into great reflection about my purpose in life. He named the sermon "Valley of Tears" and it was in the "Valleys" series. Here, the term "valley" was in reference to low points along the journey of life.

I went back to the archives to recall the main messages of his sermon.
It was life changing.

Here's the main verse:
"What joy for those who's strength comes from the Lord, who have set their mind on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem. When they walk through the valley of weeping, it will become, a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings. They will continue to grow stronger and each of them will appear before God in Jerusalem."
-- Psalm 84:5-7

Mark encourages us as to develop the following attitude, "If I go through this valley, I refuse to let it be meaningless."

The people in which the verse is referring to were on their way to Jerusalem through a desert. They had a destination to reach, and although they went through this valley of weeping, they realized that they HAD to go through if they were to reach Jerusalem. They were going to be thirsty, and it wasn't going to be fun. It was called the "valley of WEEPING" for crying out loud!

Amidst all of this weeping, they get a shovel out and they start digging (some translations say "It will become a well", this one says "it will become a place of refreshing springs"). As Pastor Mark points out, they would have prevented themselves being in the valley if they could have avoided it. They HAD to go through the valley to get to Jerusalem, but in digging a well, they were trusting God to give it meaning. They knew other travelers were going to come to that valley on their journeys, and they wanted other people to have a better experience than they. When the water poured down from the heavens ("autumn rains"), God filled the trench they had dug with water. The following travelers would have fresh water to refill their canteens, to wash the caked dirt from their heels, to soothe the crying, hot children.

There is beauty in your struggle. You can either tell everyone "I went through this valley, poor me.. pity me..." and allow your struggle to be meaningless OR..

You too, can dig a well.
It can be filled with water.
You can help others with your struggle.

I thank God that He is the healer of all and can make something as complex as a human being out of something as boring as dust. He sometimes uses us to heal each other and I would encourage you that when you are in your valley of tears, to turn to God and ask Him to use it to help other people. I believe that this is the task we chase at our core: we live to make a difference. Most of us don't care to simply float through life wavering back and forth from one pleasure to the next. We seek purpose, and you have great purpose in passing down the wisdom you currently have.
What is the good in lording your experience over other people? Yes, this might add do your bank of accolades, but it doesn't leave a legacy of wisdom and purpose. Purpose is leaving a legacy that Honors God and screams of His faithfulness.

Like Pastor Mark says,
Don't let your struggle be meaningless.

On the journey together,

Emmy.


** contents of this post are recalled from Pastor Mark Hoover's sermon, "Valley of Tears", if you would like to hear the sermon, follow this link:
http://www.newspring.org/media/#series-sort_valleys

.the start of something great.

Have you ever been SO joyful that your joy spills over like an overflowed tub? It starts flowing into the lives of everyone around you, and then they are spilling it over? Your life becomes a flood... of joy.

That overflow is why this blog exists. There is so much to be said about God and His faithfulness. I am an avid journaler and my pages leave behind proof puddles of this very fact. I thought to myself, what does this world need more of? If I were to use my life to pour into others, what would I want them to know? After lots of thinking, the answer actually ended up being quite simple.

Life isn't always full of happiness, bad things happen; we get unhappy. But there is ALWAYS something to be joyful about. Joy heals the heart. The secret to finding it in this life is to TRUST GOD, and realize that joy is simply seeing God and knowing He's ALWAYS with you. If He created the earth, I can trust Him with my soul. I don't want to do life alone. And if you're reading this, you probably don't want to either.

This blog will be my greatest attempt to help you to see God; I hope you stay on the journey. I hope you find Him. I hope you realize you've already been found by Him.

"You have searched me, 
LORD, and you know me. 
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways."
 -- Psalm 139:1-3

On the journey together,

Emmy.